Sending your oldest son off to college is an experience that can only be described as a roller coaster of emotions that begins the second they graduate from High School. Every single day after that celebratory day is just looming towards a date that after 18+ years is “the date” that you officially lose the everyday connection and responsibility…it is similar to being in a job for 18 years and someone telling you your services are no longer needed. The journey through this roughly 3-month period is filled with highs, lows, and everything in-between. I know millions of people go through this, but it feels great to vent!
The Pride of Acceptance and Commitment
It’s a ton of work to get to the decision on what college they want to choose. We decided to spend an entire summer touring all the schools he thought he was interested in. They were the most amazing trips as a family, and they were a great way to connect as we spent an entire summer in a condo or RV. We then allowed him to choose his top 10 and apply to those 10. It’s an interesting process compared to my process in the early-90’s, and I don’t have enough space here to go into details…but thank goodness for my wife, who should start a business around assisting families in the extensive research, planning, execution of the touring, applying, and committing process! When those college letters arrive, it’s an intense feeling of anticipation that results in a full range of emotions when you get the verdict. He was fortunate that one of his top choices was a go so we went off to the races in preparation to move him 8 hours away for at least the next 4 years (fingers crossed, haha).
The Nostalgia of Childhood
As the excitement of acceptance settles in, a wave of nostalgia hits. You start to reminisce about the early years—his first day of kindergarten, those lacrosse and basketball games, the family vacations. It feels like he was a small child just yesterday, holding your hand as he navigated the world. Now, he’s ready to take on the world on his own, and feels he is completely ready to do it because he is so wise to the ways of the world, what could go wrong… These memories bring a bittersweet feeling as you realize how quickly time has passed and that time is indeed our world’s most valuable and scarce resource.
The Anxiety of Letting Go
With the approach of move-in day, anxiety begins to creep in. Will he be okay on his own? Have you prepared him enough for this next chapter? The questions swirl in your mind, and the uncertainty can be overwhelming. It’s hard to let go of the protective role you’ve played for so many years. The thought of facing challenges without you guiding him is daunting. But deep down, you know this is a necessary step in his journey to becoming an independent adult and you have to reflect that you knew all along your job was to get him ready to make good decisions, and just hope you didn’t screw up too bad. 🙂
The Chaos of Preparation
In the weeks leading up to college, life becomes a whirlwind of activity. There are endless shopping trips and amazon deliveries for dorm essentials, last-minute paperwork to complete, and a constant stream of logistics to manage. Amidst the chaos, there’s a sense of urgency—trying to squeeze in as much time together as possible before he leaves. Every moment feels precious, and you find yourself cherishing even the mundane tasks you do together, considering time outside of these tasks are spent with his friends he will “never see again” vs. his parents.
The Heartbreak of Goodbye
Then comes the day you’ve both been anticipating and dreading—move-in day. The car is packed, the dorm room is ready, and it’s time to say goodbye. As you hug him tightly, the reality of the situation hits. The tears come, unbidden, as you realize that your family dynamic is about to change. It’s a moment of profound sadness, knowing that he won’t be coming home every night. The house will feel a little emptier, and the silence will be a stark reminder of his absence.
The Hope of New Beginnings
But amidst the sadness, there’s also hope. Hope that he will thrive in this new environment, that he will make lifelong friends, and that he will grow into the person he’s meant to be. You know that college is an opportunity for him to spread his wings, to explore his passions, and to discover who he truly is. And while it’s hard to let go, there’s comfort in knowing that this is the beginning of an exciting new chapter for both of you, and you become excited to support that, once that “ominous” day is in the rear view mirror.
The Joy of Watching Him Grow
As the days and weeks pass, the initial sadness begins to fade, replaced by a sense of joy and pride as you watch him grow and even communicate with you better than he did when he was home. Every phone call, every scheduled visit home, is a reminder of how much he’s evolving. He’s navigating this new world with confidence, making decisions on his own, and learning valuable life lessons. And while you’ll always miss having him at home, there’s a deep satisfaction in knowing that you’ve done your job well. He’s ready to take on the world, and you’ll always be there, cheering him on from the sidelines.
Sending your oldest child off to college is an emotional journey like no other. It’s a roller coaster of pride, nostalgia, anxiety, chaos, heartbreak, hope, and joy. But at the end of the ride, you’re left with a profound sense of accomplishment—both for him and for yourself. It’s a reminder that parenthood is a journey of letting go, and that each new chapter, while challenging, is also filled with endless possibilities for growth and love.